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Sometimes I wonder just how I got here. To this place…this place of confusion and
concern. Of seeking…
I know there are times in our lives that won’t last. They come and go. Solomon spoke of these times in Ecclesiastes
3:1-8 - there is a time for every purpose under heaven. So it shouldn’t surprise me that life looks
very different today, than it did 14 years ago.
Since I left my “cushy” comfortable albeit-busy life,
further north in a beautiful town nestled on Lake Michigan, my life as
I knew it took on an exciting new twist.
Since 2001, I have been living the life of a dog musher and farmer. Oh what wonderful times. A bustling full kennel of beautiful
Siberian and Alaskan huskies, complete with “puppy breath” provided by three
litters.
Horses. And not just
any horses…Mustangs.
Pigs.
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Sheep.
Goats.
Cats.
Chickens.
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Rabbits.
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We dove headfirst into our childhood dreams. If it wasn’t Russ living out his boyhood
dreams, it was me…living out my dreams.
We wanted it all…and experienced it all.
Newborn calves. Piglets. Lambs.
Tiny goats – single births, twins, triplets and even “quads” were born
at our place. Our lives were full and
blessed.
Russ ran dogs. Raced,
and ran. But mostly just enjoyed the
trail. He and the dogs would travel to
the U.P. and train near Lake Superior.
When we met in January of 2001, he had a small kennel of 13 dogs. We grew to 50 at one time. Along the way we met some amazing friends,
some who have since passed on to the other side of Glory. Simply put, we truly enjoyed the family of
mushers we met over the years. We still
do.
And then it all slowly changed. I gladly retired {early} from doling out
welfare at a difficult never-caught-up state caseworker job. It was time to live in God’s economy. Little money and lots of leaning on the
Lord. And it has worked –
beautifully.
Russ had always said, “less is more”…and at the time, we
felt we did live a “simple life” in our 15 x 20 cabin, which was void of simple
amenities such as “modern plumbing” and appliances. But slowly, we knew we had to cut back on the
animals. We had run our course of
searching out hay, rushing newborn goats into the cabin, along with their Mama,
to thaw out in –20 late winter weather.
We both felt the need to truly live out the mantra of “less is more”,
and that meant scaling down on critters.
First it was the herd of 7 cows (no more government intervention –
calling in to report a cow moving down the road). Then the lambs/sheep (no more shearer). Then the goats (no more
noise…bah…bah…bah). Then the horses…the
toughest choice of all…and the new owners had to be truly “hand picked” and
perfect. They were. No more farrier or emergency vet calls…or
making sure the hay was perfect and out of the rain. But also gone was the beauty. I still miss the beauty. And the companionship of these fine
animals.
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This last winter was our 2nd winter without
horses. And as tough as the winters have
been the last two winters, it was a blessing they were gone. –43 is tough on any animal or human.
Today, we have the rabbits.
They are thriving and becoming a good source of food for us. We both enjoy rabbit stew with
dumplings. Or baked rabbit – like fried
chicken.
Speaking of chickens, we will always have chickens. We went from 50+, providing eggs for the
local feed store for sale, down to 11 hens and one old favorite rooster. They load up at night in their coop and
free-range during the day. A dozen roam
about. A perfect number and plenty of
fresh eggs. We don’t eat our hens. But as they get broody and hatch out
newcomers, we do consumer the excess roosters once grown. Only one rooster on site or they fight and
injure or kill one another. Again, we
enjoy the fresh meat from our own stock.
The sled dogs…through attrition we are down to 8 dogs. Five in the kennel, and 3 are cabin
dogs. We retired from giving rides/tours
to the public two winters ago. We had
been in a steady, always-booked-solid business every winter for over ten years
– it was time. We were tired. The dogs were getting older. We were getting older…
We will be obtaining a piglet later this spring, Lord
willing, as our pork supply has dwindled.
It will be good to have a piglet or two again. We love raising pigs.
OK…now I’m stalling.
I don’t know how to bring this issue to light. So I’ll just jump in.
If you are reading this, you might have a inkling that hubby
Russ and I try and live a life dedicated to the Lord. We both accept Him as our Lord and
Savior. We worship Him. We want to be obedient to Him and His
Word. And therein lies the rub…
For the last two years, give or take, my purpose has been to
seek His will for my life. I desire to
be OBEDIENT. And all this came about as
I stumbled onto a truth. His truth. I was blind to it, until it was pointed out
to me by a caring friend. And confirmed
by another caring friend…and another caring friend…and on and on.
Simply put, the Bible teaches that couples (one man and one
woman) are married for life. They become
one “flesh” in the eyes of God. Further
more, it is “until DEATH do us part”…most of us have heard this…know this. But have we really heard this…?
Truthfully, I didn’t know. Or I didn’t pay attention. Or…or…or…
But here I am, a divorced woman (nearly 27 years ago, after being married 14 years) and remarried for
over a decade. Happily remarried, I
might add.
Well, you say…there is not much I can do about that…it
happened. I divorced.
But wait…there’s more. I am told the Bible forbids marriages
of a divorced person (or divorced persons) while their former spouses
are still living. (See Romans
7:2-3 and I Cor 7:39) The Bible clearly
states this is Adultery. Period. End of story. Perhaps not the end of the story.
So what am I to do?
That has been the journey I have been on for the last two years. I have asked family/dear friends/pastors
across the country/any one I feel may have the {Biblical} answer…and I’m still
stuck. I feel like David, crying out as
in Psalm 38:8 “I am feeble and severely broken; I groan because of the turmoil
of my heart.” I am stuck and can’t get
past this.
But I have to say, the Lord has been gentle with me/us. Both Russ and I live with this knowledge and
we are both willing to do what is necessary to be “out of sin”. Does it mean we may have to live separate
(although not divorce)? Are we covered
by grace, even if we continue to live “in perpetual knowing sin”…as
adulterers, even though we are married? The answer is just out of reach.
At least for me it is.
Who brought this to light? Those who know me outside of this Blog know I have spent
much time among my Amish friends these last two years. I consider their church, my church,
whether it is a German service (with an interpreter) or during the “off Sunday”
where Sunday School is delivered in the English language. I correspond, both by written word, and
phone, if necessary. I rejoice in the
cycle of life…celebrate and cuddle the newborns, and shed tears over the
simple, but beautiful casket of a dearly departed friend. I eat at their tables, and go to sleep with
the gentle lullaby of a windmill hovering over the pristine farm pond. I am honored to be a part of their world, as
I was this past week when I attended the “end of school” program in their
“one-room school house/church” featuring their beloved scholars, who I
adore. It was not only a school program
where the upper grades, ending with the 8th grade, recited an entire
chapter of Paul’s teachings, but the families hosted a BBQ chicken dinner with
“sides” and mid-afternoon snacks too numerous to mention, complete with a
baseball game played in beautiful spring weather.
I have felt truly at home in many of the comings and goings
of these fellow Christians in the past years. And although I have been familiar with many
Amish settings in the last 30 years across many communities {many of those you will
find on this Blog} I have now escalated into taking on aspects of this Plain life,
witnessed by my head covering and the wearing of skirts. But beyond the Plain way of living, what
draws me to this group of people is their continued thirst for His truth, and
fierce obedience. In turn, these
bonneted friends of mine “weep with those who weep” and have experienced
my many, many tears over this struggle for His truth. They guide me, and comfort me, as I continue
on in my search for “the answer”. And I
keep coming back to one thing…
We serve a holy God.
GULP…
Do I believe the Bible?
Yes, EVERY word.
I believe that Christ Jesus, fully human/fully God,
came to die for our sins. He resides in
me.
In addition, the Holy Spirit is ever present for me. I strain to listen to His prompting, and He
is a comfort to me.
So what do I do? I
have a wonderful, caring, supportive husband who won’t stand in the way should
I chose to leave. And why should I leave
a wonderful husband who I love dearly?
And the life I treasure, on our 40 acres…
I have a lot to answer for…either it’s correct, and I
shouldn’t be living in this situation, or I leave my dear husband…and forsake
OUR marriage vows, which I understand the Lord doesn’t have written in His
book…because I’m already in the book…with my first husband. What to do.
What to do. Which is the right
fork in the road?
The battle continues…and if the Lord does not tarry, and
returns, I pray He will know I was attempting to follow His will. His teachings. God help us.
You may say, “…hey…no worries…everyone I know is divorced
and remarried. For some, multiple
times. It’s what it is in these times
today…there are worse things in the world.”
But again, our God is holy and His word is true. And His word never changes. Ever. He tells us that…
I suppose I’m writing this now so you will know where I’ve
been in this “quiet” time…why I barely checked in on my Blog these last
months/years. This has been a huge
battle for me. Some of you, very few,
knew. Truthfully, I wouldn’t want anyone
else to be going through what I am facing…
But mostly I’m writing this for support.
For prayer or comments. To keep
someone else from making the same mistakes I made. Marriage is sacred...
And also, talking about my Amish friends is difficult, as
they are so special, and private. But
they are so woven into my life ~ they are a huge part of my life ~ I will give
them the respect I give all my friends with regards to privacy. But I will also share their teachings, which
we could all benefit from…in this time of trouble.
If you have any comments, or wish to contact me privately,
please do so. {I clear all comments
before they are made “public” so just leave your email if you wish, I won’t
publish your post – we’ll just continue privately via email.}
And to those who I owe a personal letter, thank you for your
patience. I will respond. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Until then, please pray for me…for understanding and wisdom.
I’m the “seeker”…
Proverbs 8:17
“I love those who love me, and those who seek me
diligently will find me.”
Until next time, Lord willing.
Sherry {This Blog was
“hubby” approved.}
Postscript: Three (3) years have passed by...it is now 2018 and there is no more confusion or searching. To see why, click on Clinging To Him. May God bless your day.
