Clinging to HIM

It’s official.  Warm spring breezes and lots of sun, with a touch of rain to bring on the budding of trees finally occurred.  In addition, the deer have emerged from the “deer yards” further north on the Cedar River.  I saw the buck who has “hung out” the last 3 years, return.  I’ve also seen other tracks on the lane, and under my bird feeders, but haven’t visually spied them…yet. 

Spring is officially here, as evidenced by a trip to Mackinac Island's Grand Hotel with a dear friend to attend a women's conference.  Win-Some Women.

But I’m saddened.  The fox that went from being fun to watch all winter, went to being feared.  He/she snatched my beloved rooster, Stewie, carried him to the edge of the woods and violently ended his short life.  After Stewie came up missing, it took several days to piece together the story of his demise, clever fox that he is.

Stewie, aka “Stewpot” was a special rooster.  He was a gift from my Amish friends last fall.   It was a pleasure watching him blossom into a full-fledged rooster.  He came from good stock.  Days before he was killed I was telling my Amish friend that he loved to strut around the property with his 5 “girls” and crow and crow.  And now, he is gone.  Silence dominates the property.  Only the hens remain, with their protector slain.  A sad day indeed.

It’s spring.  A time of renewal.  But my mind is on things eternal.  As with Stewie the rooster, the vapor of life is evident. 

“Trust in Him who will not leave you, whatsoever years may bring.  If by earthly friends forsaken, still more closely to Him cling.  Hold to God’s unchanging hand, Hold to God’s unchanging hand.  Build your hopes on things eternal.  Hold to God’s unchanging hand.”

It’s easy to focus on the “things” that we all face.  Aging dogs, foxes that kill our beloved farm animals, medical issues of those we love... or just getting through a day without strife.   It can bring us to our knees.  And it should.  We should be on our knees – in prayer.  Being close to our Heavenly Father is what makes this all doable. 

As for me, I’m clinging to Him.  Clutching Him.  I’m grabbing at the hem of Jesus, dragging along. 

I have had so much change these past few years since having my eyes opened to the teachings and Words of Jesus.  The whole counsel of God. 

In our case, after 15 years, we have accepted the fact we are in a “marriage” not pleasing to God.  (See “The Seeker”.) 

The vow of my first “and two shall become one” marriage, taken at age 20…still stands, putting my 2^nd marriage in an adulterous state.  Luke 16:18 – Jesus said:  Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.”

Simply put, there is no Biblical option for remarriage as long as your first one-flesh covenant spouse is still alive.  None. 

And so, to be obedient to my heavenly Father, our Creator, the separation has taken place over these past few years.   Russ and Sherry are no more.  Actually, we never were in God’s eyes, as my Maker has always seen me united in marriage to my first husband, until death. 

But.. through it all…the shock, the loss, the pain, the tears (oh-so-many tears), and the remorse and repentance {brought on by Biblical knowledge}, I am still thankful. 

I am closer to God: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.  I hold that “unchanging Hand” every waking hour.  And I know He will not let go.  I have that blessed assurance.

Having lived in my little cabin for over the last year, I’m starting to settle in.  Last autumn I finally gave in to the acceptance of my new surroundings.  It took one question to make me realize that fact.  Upon being invited to join in at a quilt gathering at a nearby Amish community, I was telling the women around the quilt how small my cabin was…when this wise woman said {in her Pennsylvania Deutsch accent}…”but does it feel like home?”  The question caught me off guard.  I had to stop and think.  “Well…yes, I suppose it does...” is how I replied.  And since then, contentment has crept in.  My little cabin in the woods is “HOME”.

For now, I am living on a separate 10 acre parcel that isn’t even connected to the other 30.  It feels right. 

The separation has occurred in stages, like s-l-o-w-l-y ripping off a worn out - still sticking BandAid…  And through it all, we have felt God’s presence and patience and direction.   We know Christ is returning for His Bride (the church) soon and we want to be receptive to what God has in store for us – individually. 

But for now, I’m here.  On the land that I know.  And love. 

I know that on the 4^th of July, I can walk in the woods on a magical path, lit by fireflies.

By the 22^nd of July, the clover turns the land into a purple haze of beauty. 

By the end of October, the color literally takes my breath away.

I don’t know where this path of obedience will lead, but I do know this.  God, our Creator of the universe, the Author and Finisher of our faith, is the same;  yesterday, today and tomorrow.

He never changes. 

And I will hold on to His unchanging hand as I figure this out. 

Many blessings to you and yours.

More soon…Lord willing,

Sherry

1st Year of Berean Bush Living

Welcome Friends.  I wonder what your life is like…as spring emerges.

I was at an outdoor Auction this past weekend (up north, not far from the Mackinac Bridge) when I felt like I had emerged from a long winter.  Call me “Ursa” (Latin word for Bear).  I don’t travel in the winter, so my outings are few and far between over the long winter months, with only local travel.  Even so, the winter went by fast... until a week ago. 

Excited to spend time with my beloved visiting son and his sweet sweet girlfriend last week, I “poo poo’ed” the warnings of a storm.  Everyone was talking about it, but I didn’t hear it.  It even escalated to Severe warnings on my weather radio, but I showed casual interest…as my calendar showed mid-April.  J   But late Friday night when I stoked my woodstove and laid my head down to peer at the moon out my small “south” window, I drifted off to sleep with warm thoughts of a day well spent with my loved ones.  Then…it happened.  I woke to a “rush of heavy snow” sliding crashing off the metal roof to the ground.  Oh my…I haven’t heard anything quite like that all winter.  I reached over to stoke the stove, and slipped back down deep into my sleeping bag.  Then it happened again.  Woosh!  THUMP.

All night long it continued…Woosh…THUMP, and again….Woosh, THUMP.  Upon awakening Saturday morning, I thought “this can’t be good”.  The night before, I had pulled my truck deep into the woods, not heeding the warnings of the impending storm.  The truck was now “buried” – going nowhere, no time soon.  In the next 24-36 hours we would have 22” of snow.  (Actually, I believe that is a conservative figure.)  Short story is…I couldn’t get out of the woods, with the truck, OR on foot.  I tried…but the snow was SO DEEP I couldn’t walk in it without snow shoes.  It didn’t help that the snow had the consistency of sugar/sand.  This had landed on previous snow, and so far this month alone we have had 39”.  (A local record was said to be broken…)  I headed back to the cabin, struggling through the snow, and settled in.  The classical story of the boy with his grandfather and the goat...buried in their cabin…came to mind.  "Buried in the Snow" by Franz Hoffmann.

It was later in the day that Russ showed up to “rescue me”.  Good thing…as I was low on H20 and “substantial” food.  (I usually head up mid-day to tend to the dogs and when I didn’t that day, he knew there was a problem.)  We don’t use phones for such things.  Wouldn’t work anyway, since only one of us has one.  But I’m only ½ mile away… {And yes...I could have melted snow...) 

  

On the way out to the main lane, which was also sketchy, I stepped off the narrow path and went down nearly to my hip on one leg.  Unless a friend, or tree, {or a thick-coated-eager-to-please canine} is near to grab hold of, it’s difficult to get free as the snow holds you firm.  Like quicksand.  {Sidebar:  I had just watched Pilgrim’s Progress several days prior, and know full well the dangers of straying from “the narrow path”.  During the movie, I kept thinking…Christian…don’t get off the path again!!  Isn’t that how life is…we can see it so clearly when it’s someone else who is “in trouble”…or making wrong choices.}

Well, the next five days were rough.  I won’t bore you with the details, but after five days, an angel was finally dispatched to come and plow me out, at what I felt was minimal cost.  {When one is desperate, you are willing to pay dearly.}  This was in addition to the usual front-end loader driver who had tried on Sunday night, but couldn’t get in the woods due to too much snow.  My truck finally got out, and I felt such a relief.  It still isn’t easy getting around, a week later.  But having the wind stop blowing, and the sun shining brightly…sure makes trudging through a wintery slop in my knee-high MUCK boots bearable.

But the best thing of all was the “wake up call” I received in this storm.  Some of the plans I had for next year, including moving the sled dogs deep in the woods, are scratched.  Bottom line, I need them near the water source.  I truly would have had an impossible time getting water for that many critters, plus me. 

And I know one thing…I’m getting a new-fangled pair of snowshoes.  I do treasure the old ones, but need something lightweight to skitter over the snow.  {Catching your tips and falling in snowshoes is no picnic either…}

So in a week’s time, the weather went from deadly to drop-dead gorgeous.  At the Auction, exactly one week later, the sun glistened off the remaining snow on the auctioned-off property.  Temps climbed into the 50’s.  You saw sheer enjoyment in all you came in contact with – people came out in droves to enjoy the sounds of the auction rings and announcers and visit with their neighbors.  Spring is near!   I even ended up with a sunburn! My Amish friends did too…as they were working the food booth at the Auction.  (YUM…I headed home with a pan of cinnamon rolls, a groaningly delicious loaf of bread, and chocolate-ty whoopee pies…YUM indeed.)  I also loaded up a couple of newly constructed Bluebird houses, sold by the bright-eyed smiling Amish boys at the Auction.  Perfect timing, as I plan to set up a Bluebird trail on my “ten”.  (Days before the big storm I saw a bright blue male BB checking out an old BB house, near the Wee.) 

In addition, it was so good to be up in my “old stomping grounds” and view Little Traverse Bay (Lake Michigan) half open, half covered with ice.  Beautiful country…northern lower Michigan.

As I headed south at the end of a long day of auction and errands (oil change for my truck/critter feed at Tractor Supply, etc.) I felt renewed.  I had survived the winter.  I was looking forward to getting back to my little cabin in the woods. 

In addition, I am looking forward to the summer and preparation for another winter (firewood, etc.).  Twelve cord served me well this year.  This morning, “Woody”, my Pileated Woodpecker was thrilled to find 2 new suet cakes right outside my window in the cake feeder.  He is such a fixture – visits daily.  One of my many “day brighteners”.

This morning I enjoyed my morning cabin coffee (with water heated with a foldable Sterno Camp stove) while watching the riotous antics at my bird feeder.  Besides Woody, I have goldfinches, a bevy of other woodpeckers, 3 black squirrels, several red squirrels, emerging chipmunks, chickadees (of course) and more.  I’ve also had a tall red fox visit several times, one time almost crossing paths with me!  Who can blame him for wanting to check out the flurry of activity?  Of course there are more critters, such as the raccoon that raided my birdfeeder one moonlit evening.  And I look forward to the return of the deer, (and yes, even porkies and skunks…) 

How about you?  Did you survive the winter?  I hope so…J

Until next time…Lord willing,

Sherry

P.S.  If you are wondering why I moved out to my little cabin on April 23, 2017, a year ago, here’s the beginning of the story back in April of 2015...  The SEEKER.   

The rest of the story, my story… is forthcoming.  Woosh…THUMP. 

The Seeker

Sometimes I wonder just how I got here.  To this place…this place of confusion and concern.  Of seeking…

I know there are times in our lives that won’t last.  They come and go.  Solomon spoke of these times in Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 - there is a time for every purpose under heaven.  So it shouldn’t surprise me that life looks very different today, than it did 14 years ago. 

Since I left my “cushy” comfortable albeit-busy life, further north in a beautiful town nestled on Lake Michigan, my life as I knew it took on an exciting new twist.  Since 2001, I have been living the life of a dog musher and farmer.  Oh what wonderful times.  A bustling full kennel of beautiful Siberian and Alaskan huskies, complete with “puppy breath” provided by three litters. 

 And not just dogs.  There were cows.  Dexter, with a bull on site. 

Horses.  And not just any horses…Mustangs. 

Pigs. 

Sheep. 

Goats. 

Cats. 

Chickens. 

Rabbits. 

We dove headfirst into our childhood dreams.  If it wasn’t Russ living out his boyhood dreams, it was me…living out my dreams.  We wanted it all…and experienced it all.  Newborn calves.  Piglets.  Lambs.  Tiny goats – single births, twins, triplets and even “quads” were born at our place.  Our lives were full and blessed.

Russ ran dogs.  Raced, and ran.  But mostly just enjoyed the trail.  He and the dogs would travel to the U.P. and train near Lake Superior.  When we met in January of 2001, he had a small kennel of 13 dogs.  We grew to 50 at one time.  Along the way we met some amazing friends, some who have since passed on to the other side of Glory.  Simply put, we truly enjoyed the family of mushers we met over the years.  We still do.

And then it all slowly changed.  I gladly retired {early} from doling out welfare at a difficult never-caught-up state caseworker job.  It was time to live in God’s economy.  Little money and lots of leaning on the Lord.  And it has worked – beautifully. 

Russ had always said, “less is more”…and at the time, we felt we did live a “simple life” in our 15 x 20 cabin, which was void of simple amenities such as “modern plumbing” and appliances.  But slowly, we knew we had to cut back on the animals.  We had run our course of searching out hay, rushing newborn goats into the cabin, along with their Mama, to thaw out in –20 late winter weather.  We both felt the need to truly live out the mantra of “less is more”, and that meant scaling down on critters.  First it was the herd of 7 cows (no more government intervention – calling in to report a cow moving down the road).  Then the lambs/sheep (no more shearer).  Then the goats (no more noise…bah…bah…bah).  Then the horses…the toughest choice of all…and the new owners had to be truly “hand picked” and perfect.  They were.  No more farrier or emergency vet calls…or making sure the hay was perfect and out of the rain.  But also gone was the beauty.  I still miss the beauty.  And the companionship of these fine animals.  

This last winter was our 2^nd winter without horses.  And as tough as the winters have been the last two winters, it was a blessing they were gone.  –43 is tough on any animal or human. 

Today, we have the rabbits.  They are thriving and becoming a good source of food for us.  We both enjoy rabbit stew with dumplings.  Or baked rabbit – like fried chicken. 

Speaking of chickens, we will always have chickens.  We went from 50+, providing eggs for the local feed store for sale, down to 11 hens and one old favorite rooster.  They load up at night in their coop and free-range during the day.  A dozen roam about.  A perfect number and plenty of fresh eggs.  We don’t eat our hens.  But as they get broody and hatch out newcomers, we do consumer the excess roosters once grown.  Only one rooster on site or they fight and injure or kill one another.  Again, we enjoy the fresh meat from our own stock.

The sled dogs…through attrition we are down to 8 dogs.  Five in the kennel, and 3 are cabin dogs.  We retired from giving rides/tours to the public two winters ago.  We had been in a steady, always-booked-solid business every winter for over ten years – it was time.  We were tired.  The dogs were getting older.  We were getting older…

We will be obtaining a piglet later this spring, Lord willing, as our pork supply has dwindled.  It will be good to have a piglet or two again.  We love raising pigs.

OK…now I’m stalling.  I don’t know how to bring this issue to light.  So I’ll just jump in.

If you are reading this, you might have a inkling that hubby Russ and I try and live a life dedicated to the Lord.  We both accept Him as our Lord and Savior.  We worship Him.  We want to be obedient to Him and His Word.  And therein lies the rub…

For the last two years, give or take, my purpose has been to seek His will for my life.  I desire to be OBEDIENT.  And all this came about as I stumbled onto a truth.  His truth.  I was blind to it, until it was pointed out to me by a caring friend.  And confirmed by another caring friend…and another caring friend…and on and on.

Simply put, the Bible teaches that couples (one man and one woman) are married for life.  They become one “flesh” in the eyes of God.  Further more, it is “until DEATH do us part”…most of us have heard this…know this.  But have we really heard this…?

Truthfully, I didn’t know.   Or I didn’t pay attention.  Or…or…or…  But here I am, a divorced woman (nearly 27 years ago, after being married 14 years) and remarried for over a decade.  Happily remarried, I might add. 

Well, you say…there is not much I can do about that…it happened.  I divorced. 

But wait…there’s more.  I am told the Bible forbids marriages of a divorced person (or divorced persons) while their former spouses are still living.  (See Romans 7:2-3 and I Cor 7:39)  The Bible clearly states this is Adultery.  Period.  End of story.  Perhaps not the end of the story.

So what am I to do?  That has been the journey I have been on for the last two years.  I have asked family/dear friends/pastors across the country/any one I feel may have the {Biblical} answer…and I’m still stuck.  I feel like David, crying out as in Psalm 38:8 “I am feeble and severely broken; I groan because of the turmoil of my heart.”   I am stuck and can’t get past this.

But I have to say, the Lord has been gentle with me/us.  Both Russ and I live with this knowledge and we are both willing to do what is necessary to be “out of sin”.  Does it mean we may have to live separate (although not divorce)?  Are we covered by grace, even if we continue to live “in perpetual knowing sin”…as adulterers, even though we are married?  The answer is just out of reach.  At least for me it is.

Who brought this to light?  Those who know me outside of this Blog know I have spent much time among my Amish friends these last two years.  I consider their church, my church, whether it is a German service (with an interpreter) or during the “off Sunday” where Sunday School is delivered in the English language.  I correspond, both by written word, and phone, if necessary.  I rejoice in the cycle of life…celebrate and cuddle the newborns, and shed tears over the simple, but beautiful casket of a dearly departed friend.  I eat at their tables, and go to sleep with the gentle lullaby of a windmill hovering over the pristine farm pond.  I am honored to be a part of their world, as I was this past week when I attended the “end of school” program in their “one-room school house/church” featuring their beloved scholars, who I adore.  It was not only a school program where the upper grades, ending with the 8^th grade, recited an entire chapter of Paul’s teachings, but the families hosted a BBQ chicken dinner with “sides” and mid-afternoon snacks too numerous to mention, complete with a baseball game played in beautiful spring weather.  

I have felt truly at home in many of the comings and goings of these fellow Christians in the past years.  And although I have been familiar with many Amish settings in the last 30 years across many communities {many of those you will find on this Blog} I have now escalated into taking on aspects of this Plain life, witnessed by my head covering and the wearing of skirts.  But beyond the Plain way of living, what draws me to this group of people is their continued thirst for His truth, and fierce obedience.  In turn, these bonneted friends of mine “weep with those who weep” and have experienced my many, many tears over this struggle for His truth.  They guide me, and comfort me, as I continue on in my search for “the answer”.  And I keep coming back to one thing…

We serve a holy God.  GULP…

Do I believe the Bible?  Yes, EVERY word. 

I believe that Christ Jesus, fully human/fully God, came to die for our sins.  He resides in me. 

In addition, the Holy Spirit is ever present for me.  I strain to listen to His prompting, and He is a comfort to me. 

So what do I do?  I have a wonderful, caring, supportive husband who won’t stand in the way should I chose to leave.  And why should I leave a wonderful husband who I love dearly?  And the life I treasure, on our 40 acres… 

I have a lot to answer for…either it’s correct, and I shouldn’t be living in this situation, or I leave my dear husband…and forsake OUR marriage vows, which I understand the Lord doesn’t have written in His book…because I’m already in the book…with my first husband.  What to do.  What to do.  Which is the right fork in the road? 

The battle continues…and if the Lord does not tarry, and returns, I pray He will know I was attempting to follow His will.  His teachings.  God help us.

You may say, “…hey…no worries…everyone I know is divorced and remarried.  For some, multiple times.  It’s what it is in these times today…there are worse things in the world.”  But again, our God is holy and His word is true.  And His word never changes.  Ever.  He tells us that…

I suppose I’m writing this now so you will know where I’ve been in this “quiet” time…why I barely checked in on my Blog these last months/years.  This has been a huge battle for me.  Some of you, very few, knew.  Truthfully, I wouldn’t want anyone else to be going through what I am facing…  But mostly I’m writing this for support.  For prayer or comments.  To keep someone else from making the same mistakes I made.  Marriage is sacred...

And also, talking about my Amish friends is difficult, as they are so special, and private.  But they are so woven into my life ~ they are a huge part of my life ~ I will give them the respect I give all my friends with regards to privacy.  But I will also share their teachings, which we could all benefit from…in this time of trouble.

If you have any comments, or wish to contact me privately, please do so.  {I clear all comments before they are made “public” so just leave your email if you wish, I won’t publish your post – we’ll just continue privately via email.}

And to those who I owe a personal letter, thank you for your patience.  I will respond.  And I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Until then, please pray for me…for understanding and wisdom.

I’m the “seeker”…

Proverbs 8:17 

“I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently will find me.”

Until next time, Lord willing.

Sherry  {This Blog was “hubby” approved.}

Postscript:  Three (3) years have passed by...it is now 2018 and there is no more confusion or searching.  To see why, click on Clinging To Him.  May God bless your day.